Are you having issues with your boss or another person in your life? Well, those A-holes are actually here to teach you something about yourself. Shocking, I know. But the people who show up in our life and challenge us are actually here to teach us something, to heal something, to get stronger.

The Buddhist saying “when the student is ready, the teacher will appear” is so true if you are on the spiritual path. Yet, it’s not always pleasant. One of my friends said “that sounds so nice, a teacher, but they show up in the form of my bitchy boss, not so nice.”

Yes, I would be appreciative if Buddha or Jesus came to me to give me the wisdom of the world but my greatest teachers have been the most difficult people I ever encountered. My Mother being my greatest teacher because she suffered from addiction my whole life. Yet, I learned a lot about myself, forgiveness, and my own strength!

The power of learning is in the story we choose to tell ourselves about those who show up in our life. If you decide you are a victim of this person, than that is what you will learn. That is what you will become. However, if you ask the question “what are you here to teach me about myself” you may get a very different lesson and even grow.

So, how do you do that? How do you change the way you feel? Well, you work on it daily and I challenge you to try these tools:

1. Identify those who challenge you. This may be a no-brainer but there could be some people really close to you that you don’t want to admit challenge you. Get really honest with yourself about who pushes your buttons. Then ask yourself, how do I feel around them? What comes up for me? Have I had this feeling with anyone else? See if there is a pattern with that person or in your life. What do you need to heal, stand up for, or learn to become more of who you really are?

2. Ask yourself “how can I see you differently”? This is from the spiritual text A Course in Miracles and it can be a very powerful practice. Each time you see them, ask yourself this question and pray for some clarity. Ask to see the lesson they are here to teach you so you can ultimately release the uneasy feelings when they appear. This is great with people at work. Once the veil lifts you will see their reactions for what they really are. THEIR reactions and they don’t always have anything to do with you. This is the miracle.

3. Do some forgiveness work! When someone challenges us we like to get upset with them. But remember, no one can make you feel bad unless you let them. Yes, things may hurt but you have the power to let it go and move on. It does not mean you accept bad behavior. It means you forgive them for YOU. You release the resentment and anger so it does not poison you. An easy forgiveness tool is to write a letter. Get out the anger and then you can go into the forgiveness. Destroy the letter right afterward.

4. Take a tough look in the mirror! The most difficult thing to accept in life is that the people around us are mirrors. They are showing us our good and bad qualities. We may not express these qualities but they are present. This is what Carl Jung called our shadow. It is the parts of ourselves we do not want to see and we sure as heck don’t want others to see it! When we hide our own stuff, we project it on others. It is easy to know when we are being projected upon, but do you know when you are doing it? Own all the parts of yourself because it is the path the wholeness. Debbie Ford is a wonderful author on this subject.

Everyone has something to teach you but it is up to you to learn. That is the hard part. Start looking at your adversaries as allies and see what miracles can occur for you. Life can get easy. Because you are in charge of what happens going forward.

Who challenges you most? What do you think they are here to teach you?

I hope this serves you and if you enjoy, please share the love.

Namaste, Tori