If you have a father to dote upon this father’s day, consider yourself lucky. A great Dad is something to be cherished. Sadly, there are a lot of us who do not have this person in our life. Maybe he left, maybe he passed on, or maybe he is just not worthy of a relationship with you. Any of these are tough to deal with as people run off to BBQ’s and dinners with good ol’ Dad.

In my life, I’ve had a few “dads”. My mother married several men after my biological father left and it left a bit of a hole in my life. I had a step-father who really stepped up for me since my real Dad had no interest in me. Yet, there was so much drama in that marriage it was hard for me to see clearly. When I met my biological father at 15, I had no interest in him.

I would say that my step-father is my real father. He is the one who showed me how to ride a bike, took me out to do dangerously fun stuff, and taught me the meaning of working in the world. However, we had our struggles too and I spent many years estranged from him. So, I’d say I am kind of an expert at being a fatherless daughter.

Here are some of the ways I have moved through this holiday without being able to get a card and tie for someone named “Dad”:

1. Honor the men in your life who support you. This could be a father in-law, partner, or even a mentor. I had a different step-dad who was very good to me but since I was 11-14 I was a jerk to him! I took the opportunity when I was 25 to write him a letter on father’s day to let him know what he meant to me. He was so surprised and elated because he always wondered what had happened to us. Sometimes we forget the ones who show up for us because of the huge hole our father left.

2. Write a letter to your Dad. This letter could be one of forgiveness, hurt, or love. It depends on what you still need to work through and express. Yet, it’s important to really let it fly in this letter. We all have something to work out with someone so important who may no longer be with us for whatever reason. Once the letter is done, burn it. Burn it to the heavens and let go of whatever you had been carrying for probably too long. It will open up space for more positive men in your life.

3. Accept what is. It is easy to stay angry and wonder why things turned out the way they did. I know that I wondered for years why I had been dealt the cards I had. I have come to know that each person comes into our life just as we need them. The father that showed up for you or didn’t show up for you was perfectly planned. The Universe and God always have a better plan than we do. It is our job to see it differently and learn the lesson with less anger in our hearts.

I have learned that each “father” figure was there for a purpose and at the end of the day my biological father wasn’t meant to be in my life. He didn’t have the tools needed to shape me into the woman I needed to become to fulfill my purpose. I have healed my relationship with the man I consider my “father” and even though we don’t share blood he instilled in me exactly what I needed to learn even though the road was rough.

This father’s day I am going to honor him as well as my husband who has shown up for me in ways that I didn’t know existed. When we work to heal the wounds left from our father we open the door for amazing men to show up in our life.

How will you honor a special man in your life?

Namaste! If this served you well, please feel free to share!